Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
