well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
