He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
