Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
