And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
