BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
