i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
