too bad you live with your parents still
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
