My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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