and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
