I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
