HIV tests are more positive than that guy
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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