I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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