I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
