And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
