just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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