Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
how drunk are you?
Several
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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