gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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