Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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