As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
