So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
