She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
