I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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