Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
