Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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