I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
