I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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