You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
