Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
