It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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