I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
