But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You just made me feel so damn special
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pooping to opera.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
