I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
