She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
