I can text with my tongue
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize