what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
