i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm too high and old for this...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize