He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
