I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
