my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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