i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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