I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
