I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
