you guys were way drunker than both of me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
