i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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