But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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