i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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