My room smells like vodka and shame
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
