They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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