We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My pussy is not your playground.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
did i just pee glitter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize