He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
