If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
