I cockslap morals
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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