hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
