Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize