so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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