god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Be still, my beating vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
