You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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