This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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