i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
