Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
