Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
