I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
