like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sarcasm needs its own font
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
