so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
