It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
