look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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