He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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