You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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