Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
