my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize