I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize