Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
