my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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