oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
