Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck appropriateness.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
