So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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