Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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