these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
