Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
