I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize