I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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