im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
