I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
