It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are all done wearing pants today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
