bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
