Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
