Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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