drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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