Whoa Z and x make the same sound
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
