I want to stick my p in your. b.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
