What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
