he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
