: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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