There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
