I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
