Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
