dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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