I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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