VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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