She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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