please come you make the beer taste better
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
