We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
