It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
