I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
