I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
