Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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