how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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