My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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