How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
