two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
