weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
