Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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