Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bring money and cleavage
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize