Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
